I have been trying to come to a middle ground with my emotional well-being and I think I have come to an epiphany of sorts. It hasn't been easy, and perhaps I have been slower than some and maybe I have come to this were others never go, but at last I am starting to remember who and what I am at the core.
The whole duality of man thing. Emotional/logical. I do have a German brain and a Sicilian heart. So I have tried to understand what I needed to do while wrestling with the irrational/emotional demands of my ego. For while the purpose of all living things is to exist and reproduce; us humans also need love. So when that love disappears where do you turn?
I still have the love of my 3 beautiful daughters. They sustain me. And my family and friends. So there is love, and yet I remember this too. Quality. The quality of a true and purposeful existence.
I knew this at 14 and it still rings true at 53.At times it's made me feel alone to know I felt this. Most people are only concerned about the immediate things in life. How much money do I have? Who thinks I'm a great person? Do you like me?
We are social beings and it's hard not to do the things everyone expects you to do even if you don't want to. I honestly have never cared. I have tried to live an honorable life. Life can take my possessions, women I give my heart to can reject me, but I keep my eyes on that truth. Living an honorable life and leaving this world knowing I have truly lived and loved and tried to improve the quality of my life by loving and understanding as many people as I could have.
So I embrace my pain and hold it close. It tells me I am truly alive. If I were weak or numb to living I would feel nothing. If I didn't think or self-medicated my pain I wouldn't know true happiness. So I recognize my inner turmoil and smile. You haven't beaten me. You have shown me the way. I will live another day and I will love another day regardless of the cost.
What's the worst that could happen? Death? Everybody dies,
And I will live my life on my own terms. Integrity and quality are the words that make me exist and demand I reach ever and always for the higher plane.
"For while the purpose of all living things is to exist and reproduce; us humans also need love. So when that love disappears where do you turn?"
ReplyDeleteHi Erich, I'm slowly reading your writing, as I have time. When love disappears, where do you turn? Where does love originate ? What is the feeling that I have (yes, ME), when I sit quietly and listen to the birds chirping outside, feel the quiet contentment in my body...peaceful...knowing/believing that the Essence of Life permeates all things, and at a high level, that IS love. The fact that we exist and that it is part of the Circle of Life...and...I feel my chest tingling and sparkling and exuding a general feeling of love. Directed at nothing particular, yet everything. To answer your question, I would say that you turn inside yourself. When we find that place in ourselves that feels love and releases it, amazing things happen in the morphogenic field.
I love our age. Maybe it is just me and it took me this long to figure some things out...I can't say for sure because I'm only speaking for myself...but I think we're at a wonderful age in life to really and truly gain deep wisdom, and still have plenty of time to look forward and implement our choices based on that wisdom. That is self-love in a healthy way.
More two cents from the peanut gallery !
Diane
Thank you so much for your comments Diane. It means a lot that you would spend the time to read and try to understand my blatherings. I appreciate your insight. And I hope I am showing some growth and understanding while I write this blog. I agree it is a big advantage to living long enough to know so much and continue to learn...Peace and love to you...
ReplyDeleteErich