Today I battled the demons. They torment me with memories and "what ifs". They tell me not to go on, there's too much pain and it's too hard. I hate myself for it, but I listen. They try to sway me with their perverse logic and sometimes I get confused enough to think maybe they're right. Especially when I'm having a bad day. And most days are bad days. The victories are few. I try to push them away and clear my head, and wait for the pain to ease and then I busy myself with something, anything to change the constant bad movie being played in my mind.
Then, slowly, eventually, it will ease up and I can catch my breath.
At those times I feel stronger, I feel like I can beat his thing and move on. And the demons sit there silently, waiting.
I will soldier on, the war has just begun. My heart and soul are in the biggest firefight of their lives and I feel like I'm watching from the sidelines.
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