I wrote in my first blog entry how I was diagnosed with prostate cancer from a blood test. A simple blood test called PSA will tell if you're likely to have prostate cancer, so to anyone reading this if you're a man you should have it done. And any woman who is in love with a man should make sure he gets it done.
After the blood test a biopsy was performed and when it came back positive I was told to get a bone scan. Immediately. I went from that office to get the scan done and then waited a week for the results. That was the only time I was really scared. Because not many people beat bone cancer and its very painful. I started to make plans in case I died. Prostate cancer is the 2nd leading cancer killer of men and is very aggressive in men under 60.
I breathed a sigh of relief when the bone scan was negative and then discussed the options available with my specialist. There was radiation which usually works but causes scarring, and if the cancer comes back, would make surgery difficult. There was hormone therapy but that usually only helped those over 60. So surgery was the best option. They would do robotic surgery, which means smaller incisions, more precise surgery and faster healing. My surgeon had performed this operation over 100 times and was confident. But I knew it was a difficult and delicate operation and so I thought it over. I could end up impotent and incontinent for life. But it was the surest, fastest way to eliminate the cancer. So the decision was easy.
My family needed me and if the results physically weren't good, as long as I was alive, I could help my family and still be there for them.
It took me 5 weeks to recover and get back to work. I work in the wholesale beer business, I'm a beer guy. Which is probably the worst thing I could be doing after an operation like this, lifting and pushing beer. Manual labor. But I had to get back to work.
My wife, unknown to me, didn't want to be with me anymore. After years of struggling financially while she went to work full-time and worked part-time, while I worked as many hours as I could and ran the house, she had decided to start a new life without me once she graduated and got a job. The cancer delayed her plans but not for very long.
She acted at first like the cancer was an annoyance for her which I didn't understand at the time. She resented the fact that people showed me sympathy and she had to work and run the house while I recovered. She started to want sex all the time after being very cold for over a year, and then suddenly it stopped. Being married and in love I thought the sex would bring us closer together. That we were courting again. What I didn't know was that she was on the internet flirting with old boyfriends. So she dropped a bomb on me with a text when I asked why the sudden coldness again. She said she loved me but she wasn't in love with me.
That's been the hardest thing to deal with. Physical pain can be handled much easier than emotional pain. It hasn't been easier dealing this time with cancer and divorce either. Because this time I had the cancer and I'm still recovering physically from it. But I can't be concerned anymore about the why's. About the injustice.I just try to live in the present. To endure is a part of justice. And the best way to avenge a wrong is not to become the wrong-doer.
I don't always succeed with my plan but I try not to be discouraged if I can't succeed everyday, but am content if the greater part of what I do is consistent with my plan. My plan has always been to heal myself physically, emotionally and spiritually and be there for my children.
That's my plan, and I'm sticking to it.
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