People have responded to this blog with kind words and encouragement which is much appreciated, and told me I could perhaps help others by writing down my experiences. I don't know if that's true, or if my own experience is too subjective, because of the fact that cancer and divorce happened to me twice, and were both so closely connected.
But maybe my words can help someone, so in that vein I will write more in depth of my personal experience. So let me start first with cancer.
My oldest daughter [now 30] contracted cancer when she was 2 and I was 23.My wife and I were living in California and after 2 weeks of testing we were given the news. Everyone freaked out. When I told my Father over the phone he started crying. It was one of 2 times I ever heard him cry. My wife was hysterical and I had to do all the talking to medical people because she wouldn't calm down enough to talk rationally.
I never let my daughter see me scared or cry. But while trying to keep my emotions in check, I had to withdraw into myself and couldn't spend as much time as my wife though I should have comforting her. So she resented me for not being there for her.
After surgery and a year of chemotherapy, my marriage began to break up. My wife ended up moving around a lot and even kept my daughter away from me for 3 years just to hurt me. I went into an emotional tailspin and barely survived. But I was there for my daughter when she needed me and so I don't regret what I did and the unforseen consequences of it. I moved back to my hometown in CT.
I met my 2nd wife while I was in this "lost weekend" period of my life and after 1 year of dating, and 2 years of living together we got married and moved to Florida where my first wife had settled for the past 5 years with my daughter. I wanted to be near her and my present wife was willing to move.
While this was happening, my Father was fighting his own battle with cancer. Which he eventually lost. He understood my desire to be with my daughter and told me I should be with my family. How I miss his wisdom and guidance. He had taught me how to be a man.So I left for Florida and 18 years passed.
And then cancer came for me.
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